Story of Me & Jay : Day One

He came into my dream last night. I mean, Jay. Had been a long time I didn't dream about him. Twice I think that he came into my dream. We had a very sweet date in my dream. Couldn't really recall where it is, but it's such a beautiful dream.

When I woke up, I knew it's all a dream. Cause Jay is no more beside me. A night, without any calls, any missed call, any messages. At that time, I knew, I had hurt this guy, this kind-hearted guy. I called him early in the morning. He responded to me just as usual. And he turned off the call first. At this moment, I know I hurt him deeply and how strong he is try to being recovered in front of me.

At around 10 in the morning, just as when I missed him a lot, I find my phone, trying to call him, he text me. Had been a long time I didn't feel like this, waiting for a person to text me, and I was feeling so happy when I saw the message. Jay, good job.. You had made me miss you so much..

You know what. I started to forgot that he's no longer there. And this afternoon when I decided to cook, I actually cook more than a person's food. Goreng 2 packets of bihun. And I actually almost made sandwiches for him. At this moment, I know I had actually get used to have him in my life. And before this, to cook is just because of him. But I had actually forgotten all this time...

He doesn't deserve me. I know. You guys must had hated me for doing this to him. He is being with a person who had forgotten of everything. Even forgot to love him...

Today at DECTAR, we have this Festival 1 Malaysia. I am one of the committee actually. But I'm not going. Jay is playing for this show. I called him at around 7pm after I fall asleep in the evening. Cause I miss him, a lot, a lot.. I told him that I miss him. Asking him that did he want to see me tonight. I thought he will say "come lah".. But he didn't. He said better don't meet. Cause he still feel the pain last night. At this moment, I realize that how much I want to see him actually tonight, to be like usual, looking at him playing his bass guitar from the corner of backstage...

This is the story of me and Jay. But not after being together for six months and one week and a day. Instead, it's after breakup, day 1.

Jay, thanks cause trying to understand me. Thanks cause respect my decision. Thanks cause letting me go. Starting today, I will going to chase after you. All this while you had been running after me. This time, be my turn to chase after you, my darling. Today I watch this movie, Papadom and Setem. From Setem, I agree with what he said, happiness is not about receiving, but is giving. You are giving all this while, and I had been receiving. Let me give you my care and love, Jay. People, listen this. Today, I'm going to usha him, to love him, to let him be mine. And this is DAY ONE.